The Do's and Don'ts of Visiting a New Mom (straight from the horses' mouths!)

A new (again) mom friend of mine suggested I do a post on what NOT to do when visiting new parents. As I am expecting Baby Sister to arrive in about 4 weeks, I am gladly obliging in selfish hopes that I will benefit from doing so. This is a progressive post, so keep commenting about what I should add!!

And, If you are expecting a baby soon, share this post (passively...) on your Facebook page, or as a spam email, so your family and friends can be prepared to be the most supportive of you!!

Thanks!


Food

• Do not show up without (easy-to-heat) food. In disposable containers.
• or, if you are staying with the new parents, do be proactive and plan to cook meals.  Tell momma and daddy as such.
• if they have a small child already, do make meals that will be eaten by said child (i.e. avoid super-spicy foods)
• When bringing food, do consider other items in addition to, or besides, dinner such as:
• breakfast
• fresh fruit and veggies, sliced and ready to be eaten for snack (edible arrangements!!)
• dessert
• alcohol! :)  Wheat beers are good for milk-making mommas!
• Do bring chocolate

Mom's condition

• Don't pat new Momma's belly and comment about it not going down yet (yes this really happened...)
• Don't ask her if there is another one in there (yes this really happened...)
• Do tell her she looks amazing (even if she looks like dog poo)
• Don't come over too gussied up (because she won't be!)
• Don't ask if she's ready for another!

Volunteer

• Do be proactive - clean litter box, take trash out, fold laundry, do dishes - don't wait for the parents to ask
• Do offer to help or watch baby for a moment while momma takes a break (like a shower!) - but give her back the moment baby gets fussy!
• ... but don't take baby from her!
• Do offer to wash your hands before holding baby (without being asked)!

You are not a guest

• Remember you are not here on vacation so don't expect the new parents to take you shopping, out to eat, to the movies, or to accommodate your need to watch specific football games
• Don't make a mess!
• Don't express too much interest in what is happening under the nursing cover
• Don't talk about your breastfeeding horror stories

They Need Rest

• When visiting new baby, remember parents need to sleep when baby is sleeping so don't stay too long!
• Don't tell her to nap when the baby naps (while so true, it gets old to hear when other stuff just needs to be done sometimes)
• Don't ask to see (or awaken!) a sleeping baby
• Don't drop in unannounced
• Don't come over sick (if they, or the baby, gets sick, ain't nobody getting rest!)
• Don't comment on how tired Mom looks
• Don't complain about how tired YOU (the visitor) are.

To Know or Not to Know...?

"Congratulations!!! You're having a baby!! Do you know what it is?
... Are you going to find out?!"

I promise this (or some very similar variation) will be the first thing people ask when you announce that you are expecting.

Almost three years ago when we were expecting our first, we found that 90% of the people we knew having babies were finding out. But that 10% seemed kind of cool... Intriguing. My husband felt very strongly that he didn't want to know our baby's gender. He wanted to have the moment of bursting from the delivery room and announcing, "It's a--!!!"

I liked the idea, too. You may be thinking: hey, you are doing all the work of growing a tiny human, giving up alcohol and sushi and cold cuts, gaining 30(+) lbs, having morning sickness and heartburn, and/or other discomforts of pregnancy and childbirth... Shouldn't you at least get two votes... And some of the glory?

Agreed. But I got to feel tiny kicks long before my husband, and all day every day while I was away from him. And I was lavished with all the Mommy-to-be attention and baby showers. And this is our child. and, at the risk of sounding too cliche, it just didn't matter as long as we had a healthy baby.

"But I am too much of a planner," you say. "I have to know how to decorate the nursery." I AM a planner. I am an industrial engineer by profession and practice in my personal life. So I planned. I researched the best baby equipment (in gender neutral shades) and read books on how to care for babies (I highly recommend both the Miracle Blanket and The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, by the way). And from a totally materialistic perspective, we scored tons more of the "real" baby equipment from our generous family and friends than our friends who "knew" and got piles if pink or blue onesies instead.

Then we rounded month 8 of our pregnancy. In this last month, you're anxious to meet this little soul, and is the most uncomfortable yet (especially if you are expecting in August, in the South). And while we were so fortunate to be blessed with a healthy pregnancy, that meant we didn't get any more ultrasounds, no more chances to look inside and change our minds and maybe start calling "it" by a proper pronoun.

Oh well, too late.

And then your due date rolls around, and don't you know, you have a beautiful baby boy who is perfect and whose name fits perfectly (regardless of how much you stressed over having to choose TWO names, or what other celebrity claimed it just days before). And already you can't remember what life was like before now...


AND THEN... Because your first child is so cool, you may choose to have a second child. And now there is another person to consider in your household vote to find out the gender or not.

Maybe you maintain that it will not matter, as long as the baby is healthy. But maybe you remember month 8 and are already weary if all the "s/he"s you type to your friends in emails. And your son is two and still doesn't totally get this idea of a sibling, but when asked which he would prefer, he answers unwaveringly with "a brother". How can we keep preparing him for this new arrival, and disruption to his world?

Hm. So your husband concedes that "last time we did it his way", so he is open this time.

The fifth month approaches and thought you are most hoping for 10 fingers and 10 toes, you are also looking forward to finding out the sex of baby number two.

So we found out. And good thing, since all three of us were pretty sure we were having a boy... And the tech informed us she is a girl. We had her check twice.

I made surprise pink-centered cookies to send to our family and share with our coworkers. It was fun!

So as the pink gear started to amass in the nursery, we agonized over a name. Of course, we had a girl name all picked out for baby #1, so that should have been a no brainer. But this go 'round I just didn't like it for her. And of course hubby and I still had very different preferences. But at least we got to call her "her" and "she". Then at month 7 we were riding in the car from one random place to another and I just blurted out, "how about ___?". Hubby said, "hey, not bad". And it stuck. So now SHE even has a name (even if only a select few know it)!!

We have been able to start training our 2.5 year old to refer to the baby by her name and its cute. Maybe its just been all the talk about the baby, and siblings classes, and maybe he's matured to the right point, but his sister even seems more real to him now that she has a name. He asked me the other night, "When will Baby Sister come out of your belly?" ... so he's putting it all together.

 I still follow up gender references with "... or so they say" because, they do get it wrong sometimes...

Dream Dinners - Make Dinner Ahead of Time

Since Baby Sister is on here way, and we live a long way from our family and most of our friends who might otherwise visit (and bring food!), I jumped on the chance to try one of these prepare-ahead-freezer-meal places with a Plum District deal to try Dream Dinners and make 3 meals that should each serve 3 people.

When I arrived, I was warmly greeted and given my own private drawer to stash my purse. I was given an apron and offered some beverages and an appetizer of Canadian Bacon Stuffed French Bread. Then they gave me the recipe cards for the meals I'd already selected beforehand and showed me the setup. Each station was devoted to 2-3 recipes. The recipes were clearly displayed, with color-coded ingredient measurements.

I made my 3 meals in under 30 minutes, and that was even more time than I really needed (mind you this was only special 9-serving deal, and a usual session requires at least 36 servings, but still.). The staff was super friendly - maybe even overly friendly. They really took their time explaining how everything worked, from the color-coded measuring utensils and recipes to the portion sizes and storage freezer. Since it wasn't busy, the associate helping me even did most of it for me (even though I'd kind of wanted to do it, and maybe even could have done it faster).

The real time saver in this process is not having to prep, or cleanup, or wash your measuring utensils between ingredients, or hunt for the right size measuring cup. Plus they have several of the main ingredients pre-packaged - in my case, chicken breasts, shrimp and rice were all in pre-portioned baggies. And... you haven't actually cooked your meal yet, just done all the up-front work.

The price is a little steep. They do have a loyalty program where the more times you come back the more you will save. However, you definitely have to consider the cost (prices may vary by location): A regular session requires you to purchase 36 servings (12 3-serving meals, or 6 6-serving meals), which on average will cost you about $200. I feel like our weekly grocery bill is $100-$120/week, and we shop at a granola/organic grocery store for our family of 2.5. We usually make 4-5 meals that make 4-6 servings each, plus our bill includes veggie sides (the Dream Dinners options are mainly meat-and-starch only) and milk and breakfast items and other snacks for the week.

BUT what you are paying for is convenience. I really have no idea if/how we will be able to cook a meal between work and bedtime with TWO kiddos (starting in February!). And by taking an hour on the weekend once or twice a month to save some time during the week could be a big help (and you can go with your girlfriends, bring your own wine, and get away from anyone referring to you as 'mommy' for a bit). The Fountain Valley location even offers a New Mom deal where for three months before and after your due date they will pre-package the meals for you and waive their normal fee for this!

They also have a freezer with prepackaged meals you can choose from while you are there (many of them on sale). In addition to my 3-meal deal, I picked up a pre-made six-serving white bean chili with cornbread for $17.

A couple other minor cons:

- You use A LOT of baggies. I am a pretty green person, and in the last 12 months we have probably used 1 box each of of gallon-sized and sandwich-sized baggies... and that's it. We use a lot of tupperware and reusable containers, so it felt a little weird to use 4 baggies (three separate baggies inside a bigger baggie) for one meal.

- Beware of the cooking time on your meals. Several on the menu take up to 90 minutes... which may defeat the purpose of eating something sometime between school and bedtime or soccer practice (we only have about a two-hour window at our house). Perhaps better for the work/stay-at-home mom or weekend meal.

I really hate to even mention anything bad about my experience because when they helped me out to the car with the meals (my delicate condition, and all), I found that my car wouldn't start. So while I was stranded the lovely ladies were kind enough to feed me Butternut Squash Ravioli while I waited on AAA. YUM! I hope all my meals are this delicious!

Now... do I try these before Baby Girl arrives, or keep them as the start of my stash? I feel like I need to evaluate if the other meals are as good as the ravioli... and if the cooking part is really easier since all the prep is done. And I think I will at least have to give this one more try so that I can really put a value on the convenience of it. If not by May (when I expect to go back to work), then soon thereafter.

2013 - Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to my online family!

2012 was great (Our family moved across the country for a new West Coast adventure!), but 2013 has some great things going for it - and a few of them I already know about, but I am sure there are more to come!!

First, the blog will be getting a little makeover as a birthday gift from my wonderful husband. I can't wait to see what SevenThirtyThree has in store for us! Stay tuned for the results!

Also, several weeks ago I was accepted as a guest blogger for Kanga Care! If you cloth diaper you will know them for their Rumparooz pocket diapers and EcoPosh one-size fitteds (both of which we liked using with M as overnight diapers), or even their Lil Joey newborn diapers. But they also offer a lot of other green kid products, in addition to cloth diapers. As always I will need your help and valuable feedback to make sure I get the whole truth!! My first post for them will be coming up in February, re: "What about the Poop?" (a big fear of future/potential cloth diaper-ers). I'd love to know if you (moms and dads) were surprised that it was a big deal or not!

I am already reviewing (and enjoying!) three fabulous products that I can't wait to share with you all! Check out Amalou Skin care, the guide to getting YOU back after baby: One Hot Mama (by Erin Cox), and Elabloom facial oil!

But the biggest - and best - thing for our for our family in 2013 is the new Baby Sister we are expecting at the end of February! It will be an adventure juggling a toddler (a big boy, really!) and a new baby (and a job and everything else!) :) I can't wait.

Thank you all again - and let me know what else we should discuss in 2013!!

Siblings Class at the Hospital



waiting in the lobby for class to begin!



I first heard about this from a friend who's hospital offered this class, so I asked my OB if ours did. The date it was offered at our hospital didn't work for both hubby and I to attend, so we found one (looking online) at another local hospital we could attend.

I think this was more for parents than kids, but for an hour or so of our lives, it was worth it. M brought his own baby doll (the one that my dad balked at me buying for him when hubby and I found out we were pregnant).



We started with a tour of the maternity ward - got to see some brand new babies through the glass getting their first baths. The instructor talked about how this would be where mommy would come have her baby.

holding a shirt for his baby

Then we walked to the classroom to watch a video, Silly Siblings (got some giggles from the kiddos)

http://injoyvideos.com/sibling-silly.html

Some of the highlights were:

- baby will enjoy watching you dance

- you can help with the baby (bring things to mommy or daddy, bathe)

- babies only drink mommy's milk, or formula (this got some "ew's" at the breastfeeding scenes)

- babies cry - a lot

- feelings (briefly) and what you might do (safely) to express them



Then the kids got to take items out of a diaper bag and talk about what they were called and what they were used for (wash cloth, nose bulb, diaper, baby wash, clothing, teething toy, rattle).

They got to practice holding a baby (sitting, with crossed legs, pillow in lap, mommy brings baby to you, use gentle touches). She pointed out how heavy the baby was (demonstrated with a weighted doll)



taking off a diaper





The kids also got to practice helping with the bath for their babies.



The instructor pointed out that us parents should cut our kids a good amount of slack in the first while after baby is born. She equated it to getting a new Sister Wife (you know, like the TV show?), and having her wear your clothes and use your kitchen - how would you feel at first?

- don't expect a kid under 5 to behave and reason like a 7 or 8 year old

- don't always resort to time out for minor infractions or as a first reaction

- greet your older child first (and without the baby) in the hospital when s/he comes to visit, and when you get home from places. This goes for visits from grandma and grandpa - and others - too. Even though the excitement is around the baby, greeting the older child until their attention wears out won't really take long. Then see the baby.



- keep a few small toys, wrapped, on hand in case a guest brings something for the baby, but forgets something for the older sibling (they are too young to really appreciate why this is)



holding the real-weight, real-sized baby,
while sitting cross-legged, with a pillow...
 supporting her head (sort of)



- get something for the older sibling as a gift from the baby on the first visit to the hospital



- Expect some regression - potty habits, wanting to use a bottle, asking to nurse. These will all be short lived, especially if you don't make too big of a deal about it.

- Learn to talk to your kids so they know what they expect, and you don't have to be threatening.

- She recommended reading the book, Siblings Without Rivalry. Its on our wish list!!

- Also, the 'new' thing is to care for the umbilical stump by keeping it clean and dry, and not by rubbing it with alcohol (which is what they told us to do for our son, two and a half years ago).

Must Haves for Baby #2

So I admit, I am writing this post more for me than you :). It's crunch time and I am starting to nest, and I want to make sure I am thinking of everything I need to have on hand for Baby Sister, but of course, I have much less time to daydream about (er, obsess over) than I did with my firstborn! Please let me know if I have included anything ridiculous, or left out anything obvious!!

Refills
Baby Tracker - we used this pretty religiously for the first 2-3 months until we got our rhythm.
disposable diapers and wipes (if you plan to use them),
new nipples for your bottles
storage baggies for breast milk
replacement parts for your breast pump (new tubing? any other parts that need replacement... you may have to contact the manufacturer for this one)
baby wash and lotion and cream (especially if you have favorite brands by now)
nursing bras (I wore my old ones out - I wore them through the second half of pregnancy and for a year of nursing. I figure with what I saved on formula and replacing regular bras during that time, it's totally justified.)

All their own.
-Get another of anything you had monogrammed or personalized for your first child (that you actually liked/used). For us, we love these handy bottle/cup labels for daycare, so we'll be getting more for baby #2.
-Also in this category are loveys that won't be passed down, and maybe even 'coming home outfits' (depending on if you are in the camp that 'each child should have their own' or the 'my kids will wear the same dressing gown my great great grandfather wore'). For us, this also includes a new kids Nalgene bottle, since we feel our son is pretty attached to his. Oh- I guess this also includes the growth chart I hand painted for M. Now to brainstorm design ideas for Baby Sister... And a hamper.... and a trash can to replace the diaper genie... (I guess as I keep moving things from M's room to Baby Sister's I will add more here, too)

The 'other' gender gear -  do you need to shift from blue to pink (we do!)?
- Luckily our main gear (car seat, stroller, bedding, most blankets) is gender neutral, but if yours aren't you can buy or make covers for these things, or trade in your versions for a discount on something more fitting.
- clothing. I think people tend to like to gift clothing for cute little babies, so its probably best not to spend a lot of time adding what you think you might like here, because people will likely give you whatever they want, anyway. If you are IN LOVE with something jot it down, of course. However, in case I am wrong, and no one gives you a single stitch of clothing, make sure you have a few plain white onesies on hand. Or keep your daughter in her brother's clothes, but wrapped in a pink receiving blanket at all times (this is our plan, anyway).
- cloth diapers. We used cloth diapers with our son, so of course we have zero pink diapers in our 'stash' as they say. I think I'd like at least one or two... :)

You wish you had more ___
... and just never bothered to get it. Now's the time to build in convenience, and since you don't have to invest in ALL new baby gear, you may as well splurge on a few backups to make your life easier. For us, we loved our newborn swaddle, but only had one of them, so I think we'll get a second this time. Also, it will be nice to have a few more hooded baby towels (for some reason we have a plethora of washcloths, but never enough towels! And for now, we are still using the ones we can find with the toddler). Also this means a second camera for the baby monitor. Though I have a friend talking me into replacing the whole monitor with webcams. We'll see how she likes hers first...

Cool, New and Improved.
Anything that is the new, cool must have since your last kid was born. Or a splurge you didn't get with the first baby. I will say I am willing to shell out for a good, fast, forehead or behind-the-ear thermometer. Because, I admit: I never actually personally took my kid's temperature rectally - and I really really really don't want to. Also my friend is telling me these rock n play things are where it's at these days... but I am skeptical.

Some suggestions from our readers:
- The rock n play got several thumbs up, especially for fussy/colicy babies (who need to be slightly inclined), or those with medical issues. I guess we'll see if Baby Girl is as 'textbook' as her brother.
- The Go Pod (available in other colors, though I do like orange...) for a quick thing to pack up and take to the beach or a friend's house (I can see this being less intimidating than an entire exersaucer!)
- If you don't already have a good baby carrier, the ErgoBaby is recommended (and comes in many color and fabric options). We do have one-and love it, too! We haven't tried it on anything smaller than a 1 year old, though. I will report back first hand :)

Double stroller? I am not sure if we need this or not... feedback? If we do need one - what kind?! Hubby and I are very divided.
Reader feedback - the Radio Flyer Pathfinder Wagon as an alternative to a double stroller.

This is all I can think of for now. Y'know, before Baby Sister actually arrives. I may be totally off - and I'll update this post a few weeks after she arrives, if so :)

Oh - and if you are like a dear friend of mine, and this is your second kid but you adopted an older one the first go round, you can consult my other post about baby registry 'must haves' to cover the basics.

Please leave any feedback/comments!! Thanks!!!

My first Bluum Box is here!

My first Bluum box arrived on Saturday. It's theme: "Puttin' on the Ritz"

the box. actually, this shipped inside another box that at first glance made me think Netflix.

Bluum is a subscription service that will send a box of 5-6 baby- or mommy-related samples each month. The idea is to discover products you might not otherwise have come across, and they even have options to give a subscription as a gift. A 3-month subscription is $33; 6-months, $60. Bluum is one of a growing number of subscription services where you can surprise yourself with something in the mail each month. At first, this seemed silly (maybe desperate?) to me, but then it started to grow on me! I love getting packages in the mail. Currently the boxes are aimed at babies (or moms of babies) and I have a 2-year old (and baby on the way), so I wonder if I will be able to utilize all the samples coming my way. But we will see. I signed up for a 3-month subscription through Plum District for only $8 (Maybe I'll do another post on Plum District.. I also just booked a 'steal' for a weekend trip to LegoLand in Carlsbad!).

Saturday, 8/25 - My first impressions: the box was smaller than I was expecting. Upon opening, I think there is only one sample I'll really be able to use (Mary Kay mascara - who couldn't use more mascara?). I may gift the eczema cream to a friend. The hair gel (intended for my kid?) might get a try. The soap samples may get thrown in the diaper bag for out and about emergencies (unless I decide the explosion risk is too great). I will use the Prime face product samples. Also the coupon for Wittlebee has piqued my interest again, but I am pretty picky about my kid's wardrobe (we tend to stick with basics from Children's Place), so unless I try for just a month... for the new baby... I'll share the code for $15 off your first order with you, though!!: BLUUM (see photo below).

After the arrival of this, I am thankful my 3-month subscription was on super-sale...

Monday, 8/27 OK - reassessment. I have already used the Amalou PRIME face samples (a scrub and a 'tonic'), and so far they ARE pretty amazing.

I did use the Mary Kay mascara today, just so I could tell you about it. I really like the wand! Even though this is a sample size, I am assuming the full size has the same spiny wand that lets you get the goop right where you want it. And though I have long lashes already, this really gave them extension (more than my usual brand). I also replaced my nearly empty eye makeup remover in my travel bag with the sample they sent.

I also intended to use the HIPpeas hair balm on myself this morning, but I am not much a pomade user, and frankly, I forgot.

I did throw a Caldrea soap sample in the diaper bag for our day trip yesterday, but we didn't have the occasion to use it.

Still no concrete plan for the eczema creme? Maybe good for preventing stretch marks as this belly grows?



Homemade Baby Food

Very exciting, but bittersweet. My little teeny baby is growing up!

At 5 months he isn't going off to college or anything yet, but still... Also, at 5 months, he's going for the gusto a little earlier than usually recommended by pediatricians, so if you are out there reading this, be sure you check with yours, and check the million checklists that are out there to see if you think your kid is ready.

So far we started with about two weeks worth of rice cereal. My first thought was that it didn't sound very nutritious, but the Pediatrician assured me that it was really for more of the practice, but also that it was fortified with iron, which babies are in need of at this age, particularly if they are breastfed (ours is).
We started with a tablespoon once a day, to two, then three tablespoons once a day, and then we added a second meal at two tablespoons, then three. (Quick aside: we saw food being recommended in increments of tablespoons, but I wasn't sure if this meant the flakes or the mixed product. The hubby and I decided "they" meant flakes) of organic brown rice cereal. We went with this brand of cereal because it was organic, and because it came in a resealable bag, which was a good call by the husband. This stuff is pretty inexpensive, even organic, so we decided just to purchase this. If you make it yourself by pulverizing rice into a powder, it still requires cooking. So between the labor and the cost, I figured purchasing was the best route.
Don't let the packaging fool you: we didn't find that adding rice to his diet affected his sleep whatsoever, so if you are thinking of starting early so your little one will sleep longer, I would still say check with your doc first.

After getting to two meals a day, we started a third: breakfast. And this time it was with a "real" food. That we made ourselves!!

Sweet Potato
1 sweet potato, peeled and cubed
1/4 c water

Place cubes and water into a microwave (and baby!) safe container, and nuke until soft. It took us about 4 1-minute intervals. Puree until smooth (we used a stick blender or Magic bullet). Add water (or formula/breast milk) to the consistency that makes sense for your baby. I think I initially made this too thick and will add a little more liquid with his next meal.

A website for reference: WholesomeBabyFood by Momtastic (this link points to food suggestions for -6 month olds).